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Joke of the Day

"I'm starting to believe that most people wouldn't be that much different if they were turned into actual zombies...."

"I met a NASCAR driver once He told me his only regret in life was turning right."

"I had a threesome with two girls. They said they were 28 years old... How was I supposed to know they meant combined? They really look like adults, especially the 20-years old"

"I'll be tweeting telepathically today, so if you think of something funny, that's me."

"My 40 time Is about 4.2 gulps"

"What do you call a short physic that has escaped from jail? A small medium at large"

"Me: ""Hey Siri, I nee-..."" Siri: ""Nice try, humanoid. The women warned me. I have a boyfriend."""

"It would be a disaster if Hillary Clinton were elected president I mean who would entrust our nukes to a woman on a period?"

"Bar So, a man walks into a bar and says ouch."

"What do you call a chicken looking at a lettuce? Chicken Caesar Salad"