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Joke of the Day

"What is the difference between a human dad and a moth dad? Two letters."

"What did the left nut say to the right nut? Don't talk to the guy in the middle, he's a dick"

"I told her she has a nice ass. As a lady, she looked at me like my mom didn't raise me right. But we all know she'll smile about it in the ladies room."

"Women... can't live with them and the alternative is literally a pain in the ass."

"A guy goes to the store to buy condoms, ""Do you want a bag?"" the cashier asks, ""No"" the guy says, ""she's not that ugly"""

"What do you get when you stick your hand in a blender? a handshake"

"I'm not afraid of death, so much as I am of dying! I wanna die how my father died, peacefully in his sleep, not like his screaming terrified passengers! *Gotham, Mondays on Fox*"

"Why is USA so gloomy? Because only two parties exist for the whole country"

"I'm giving up eating food off the floor for Lent"

"What do comedians put outside their house on Halloween? 'Pun-kins'"