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Joke of the Day

"What did the left nut say to the right nut? Don't talk to the guy in the middle, he's a dick"

"September just ended... Someone should wake up Green Day."

"*Takes gift wrapping paper to the counter* Her: Did you want to buy that? Me: No, I just wanted to hold it for a while."

"What do a plumber and a walrus have in common? They both like a good, tight seal."

"Step 1: Buy a 3D printer. Step 2: Print a 3D printer. Step 3: Return the 3D printer."

"A guy was confused about why the doctors had amputated his arms and legs. In fact he was stumped."

"What did the donut say to the cop? Don't taste me, bro !"

"""We run a tight ship"" barked the captain, his shoulders barely getting thru the doorway ""Real tight."" he turns sideways to fit down the hall"

"How can you tell if a woman is bi-polar? She works at two different strip clubs."

"3yo just yelled ""face-five!"" & slapped his brother in the face. I'm totally using that at work tomorrow."