108104

Joke of the Day

"A #colon has only two job options: become a punctuation mark, or work for an asshole."

"""First off I want to wish my opponent the best of luck and oh god. OH GOD NO"" - presidential candidate accidentally using their 3rd wish"

"Why was the vampire's girlfriend mad at him? Because she couldn't finish her sentences. Why couldn't she finish her sentences? He kept eating her periods."

"Why did the dog jump into the sea? He wanted to chase the catfish!"

"I went to my first Fight Club meeting last night Unfortunately I arrived 10 minutes late so I missed the introductions but I must say I had a fantastic time I'd recommend it to everyone."

"My wife can't cook so she asked me for help in baking a cake. I told her to separate 2 eggs... She put one in the bedroom and one in the bathroom.. Ijit."

"Ellen Pao stole my bike Who else could it have been"

"How many mangoes make a dozen? Six girls ;)"

"No musician has vision impairments All of them should know how to C#"

"Did you hear about the explosion in the cheese factory? All that was left was de-Brie"