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Joke of the Day

"A #colon has only two job options: become a punctuation mark, or work for an asshole."

"Why are dogs always SENSITIVE? ------------ Because they have tears in their eyes"

"Freeze a regular Snickers bar for the satisfying CRUNCH of all your front teeth breaking at once."

"What's Autocorrect's blood type? typo negative"

"People form Pittsburgh are called Pittsburgers. Do you know what people from Hamburg are called? Germans"

"Teeth are so weird. Imagine if all of our bones were exposed and we had to brush them."

"Did you hear about the bike race that goes all the way across Norway and Sweden? It ends at the Finnish line."

"look, men and women are BIOLOGICALLY different. ever since the cave man times boys have loved cars and girls have loved toy ovens"

"My wife is gorgeous, selfless, amazing, highly intelligent and looking over my shoulder as I type."

"Did you hear about the ex-porn star who got fired from the gas station? Every time he got close to filling the tank, he'd pull the nozzle out and spray gasoline all over the car."