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Joke of the Day

"If The Lego Movie is about anything other than parents walking around and cursing after stepping on Legos, it's not based on a true story."

"For every action, there is a corresponding over-reaction."

"I heard Sean Connery's great grandpa was hung for lese-majeste. God, shave the Queen."

"Did you know that Truett Cathy, Founder of Chick-fil-A, wanted a CFA sandwich for his last meal? Unfortunately, he died on a Sunday."

"There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Bugs Barbie ...buck teeth long ears"

"I'm wearing a burqa, fencing mask, & a welding helmet while reading a book on cannibalism & an old lady on the bus still wants to chat."

"We all know the old saying ""I named my dick 'The Truth' cause bitches can't handle it..."" I call mine ""The Plea Bargain"" cause ladies only take it as a last resort."

"Briefly explain 'hard water' ice"

"Maybe Van Gogh cut his ear off because someone traveled back in time and whispered a Drake song in it."

"[last day at job] ""You've made my life a misery, I hate you all"" [remembers my car is in the garage and I need a lift] ""Not you tho Phil"""