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Joke of the Day
"Anyone hear what Russia is eating for Christmas? Turkey... Too soon?"
Next Joke
"I was arrested for stealing shoes... I just wanted to pay less at Payless!"
"Grocery store flowers; show someone you care slightly more than not at all."
"What did the mummy snake say to the crying baby snake? Stop crying and viper your nose."
"parents: okay we will be home at 11 o'clock! clock: 11:01 me: they're dead i'm alone i need to start my orphan life now"
"My new thesaurus is terrible! Not only that but it's also terrible."
"What do you feed an invisible cat? Evaporated milk."
"I once shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know."
"If dolphins are so smart, how come they work at Sea World?"
"""Your present is too big and weirdly shaped to wrap. Oh! What if I buried it in the yard?!"" -me, genuinely, earlier today. Wife said no."