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Joke of the Day

"Whats similar between a hurricane and women? They come in hot and wet and leave with **THE LAWN CHAIRS WE BOUGHT TOGETHER SARA YOU BITCH!**"

"Since getting a Kindle, what I miss most about books is tipping them forward on the shelf to open a secret passageway."

"A buddy of mine told me he thinks I'm OCD the other day... I told him he was out of his place."

"The older I get, the farther apart I spread my feet when I use a urinal. Soon, I will be doing a Jean-Claude Van Damme split when I piss."

"All my potato stored... in /r/LatviaPotatoStore."

"Interviewer: congrats you got the security guard job Me: *already asleep on a folding chair* Interviewer: hang on u don't start til monday"

"I never go camping, but I sometimes go to bed without the TV on so I get it."

"What did the tectonic plate say when it had a collision? It's not my fault."

"I think that limiting the nuggeting of animals to only chicken was a mistake."

"Why did the period and and semicolon break up? Because they had nothing in comma"