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Joke of the Day

"why aren't there any knock-knock jokes about america? because freedom rings."

"Jaws (1975): A shark is murdered on his vacation."

"If you've ever written a Yelp review of a Starbucks, I can help you kill yourself if you like?"

"Old man Johnson and his world-champion pole vaulting neighbor are really one in the same... They both grip their sticks and try to get it up."

"Why did Germany hold a ceremony for the Greek bankruptcy? They wanted to give credit where credit was due."

"The human soul weighs 1.2lbs. I know because I've weighed myself before and after I walk into my job."

"Who led the Jews across a semi-permeable membrane? Osmoses."

"I've slept with a series of triplets i called it a waltz"

"Today I watched a documentary about crustaceans and I saw a crab take another crab's food... ...crabs can be so shellfish right?"

"Who uses a Rubik's Fleshlight? Incubators."