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Joke of the Day

"Drummer's joke I texted my old band today saying I miss playing music. They replied with ""What's new? You missed playing, when you were with us, man!"""

"The reason I switched from a backpack to a messenger bag is so that I look more classy and professional carrying nothing but snacks to work."

"What do they eat instead of ""pigs in a blanket"" in McKinney, TX? Pork in a roll. (At least I'm trying)"

"I always get the last word in arguments with my girlfriend. I just say ""Yes ma'am"""

"What's the diffrence between jam and marmelade? I can't marmelade my dick down your throat."

"I bet you've already heard this It's a pretty common word."

"My cousin likes to eat cereal with water instead of milk He says he does it to drown the cornflakes because he is a cereal killer."

"The first Annie was a ginger top. Now we have a black Annie. What's next? A young feminist orphan Annie?"

"I quit my job as a taxi driver... I just can't stand people talking behind my back."

"Paper towel ads always show kids making huge messes then mom smiles & cleans it up. My mom would've handed me a mop then beat me with a belt"