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Joke of the Day
"if you fap on a plane is it hijacking?"
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"I SCREAM, YOU SCREAM, WE ALL SCREAM, BECAUSE GRANDPA FORGOT TO WEAR HIS HEARING AIDS AGAIN!"
"[First date] okay just dont let her know you're a trump supporter Her: so what kinda wine should I get Me: haha white is always the best"
"Why does Arnold Schwarzenegger kill insects? Because he's an ex-terminator"
"Inspecting mirrors.... ....is a job I can see myself doing."
"thanks, but I'M TOO FAR AWAY FOR YOU TO BE HOLDING THE DOOR OPEN FOR ME WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS STOP IT"
"The bartender says, ""We don't serve time travelers here."" A time traveler walks into a bar."
"You're invited to my Oscar party! The theme is movie star cuisine which means there won't be any food."
"What's the capital of Greece? (x-post from /r/MeanJokes) About 10. DISCLAIMER: I heard this joke from /u/r4e3d2d2i8t5. All due credit to that person."
"The Grammar Nazis burst in. ""We know you're harbouring Jews, Mrs Gies"" ""There ain't no Jews here!"" ""Double negative! Search the attic, boys"""