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Joke of the Day

"[at the vets] He's really bad. He can't fly. ""He's a cat though."" [very sarcastically] oh I'm sorry is this the vets or the excuses clinic?"

"A feminist got drunk at lunch, accused her boss of coming on to her, and slapped him in the face. She got loaded, triggered, and fired."

"This tweet was going to be really funny but I didn't write it down because I was totally sure I'd remember it."

"What happens in a battle between storm troopers and red shirts? (Star Trek) The storm troopers all miss, and the red shirts all die"

"Who is the oldest singer on the Internet? Click Jagger."

"I don't mean to brag about my patience, but I just waited 5 whole seconds before passing a student driver and flicking them off."

"Why did the redneck high school cancel driver's ed class? They needed the car for sex ed."

"Someone just posted an article on Facebook and said ""file this under sad."" WAS I SUPPOSED TO BE FILING EVERYTHING"

"Why can't women be botanists? Because they'll break the glass ceiling."

"Which came first, the chicken or the egg? The egg, it already got laid. The bird is too chicken."