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Joke of the Day

"Some guy tried to cut me off in traffic and I screamed, ""I'm wearing a sports bra to a business meeting, I am afraid of nothing!"""

"Why do thieves have such a hard time understanding sarcasm? They take things literally"

"Eating too much cake is the deadly sin of gluttony But not eating too much pie, because the sin of pi is always zero."

"Not a gardener per se.... but I've been known to use hoes occasionally."

"The human body can survive three weeks without food, three days without water but only three hours without wifi."

"Every time you do a shot of tequila, an angel hi-fives a fairy and they agree to meet later to kick you in the head while you're sleeping."

"Avocado or Donald Trump? Avocado or Donald Trump for president? Well, one is a wrinkly old bag filled with green mush The other one is an avocado."

"Barbie has an awful lot of things for a girl who's knees don't bend."

"Did you hear about the boy who was told to do 100 lines? He drew 100 cats on the paper. He thought the teacher had said lions."

"((Sigh)) I would love to get a new BMW i8 It definitely will get the most gals per mile in city driving."