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Joke of the Day

"My coworkers are fucking retarded children. Surely thats illegal."

"I was sitting in traffic today and I got run over."

"Knock Knock... Who's there? To. To who? To whom*"

"A cabbage, a faucet, and a tomato had a race. The cabbage was ahead, the faucet was running, and the tomato tried to catch up."

"As told to me by my 7 YO son this morning... Him: What's a pirates favorite letter? Me: ARRRGH! Him: You would think it would be ARRRGH but my first love be the ""C""!"

"Why did the feminist cross the road? To move the goal post for their argument"

"Get an attack dog, name it Anxiety, laugh and laugh and laugh at Anxiety attacks."

"What's so fun about having sex with 28 year olds? There's 20 of them."

"Showing your love used to be buying them flowers or writing a poem. Now it's just looking at them for 5 minutes without checking your phone."

"My hair is so long, it started growing it's own hair. Don't take that too seriously, it's metafollicle."