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Joke of the Day

"Get an attack dog, name it Anxiety, laugh and laugh and laugh at Anxiety attacks."

"Not to brag, but I parallel parked without hitting anything, taking 15 mins, or winding up on the sidewalk. No cars were around, but still."

"Why were the people in the twin towers mad? Because they ordered pepperoni, but all they got was plane."

"The real difference between Obama and Trump Obama makes jokes. Trump is a joke."

"Did you hear? Sting was kidnapped! The Police still have no lead."

"What happened when the cannibal got a religion? He only ate Catholics on Fridays!"

"I'm so sick of being constipated... I'm completely losing my shit"

"A husband and wife were found smothered in their bed... Detectives called it the pillow case..."

"Imagine Putting 5 worth of fuel in your car and your cars like ""well, since we're both being childish"" And refuses to open the door."

"A little bit of me dies every time I see one of you post a quote that you obviously don't actually live by."