106949

Joke of the Day

".@WebMD a girl just texted me ""K"" am i going to die"

"How do you kill a hipster? Drown him in the Mainstream."

"These kids today need to show a little respect to those of us, who fought for, and won, the right to party."

"If you live to be 100, you should make up some fake reason why, just to fuck with people... like claim you ate a pinecone every single day."

"Any leftover cabbage can and will be shredded and mixed with mayo - Cole's Law"

"Jeb! should be called WTC 7 Never reaching the heights of his namesakes, and falling down without being hit by anything."

"I definitely learned my lesson about speeding today and it will never happen again. I didn't get pulled over or anything, I just showed up to work 20 minutes early."

"If cartoons are a reliable guide, the secret to never ageing is wearing the same clothes every day."

"I bet the skeletons, in my gay coworker's closet, are having a dress up party with fabulous clothes."

"It's late and I'm wondering what my high school girlfriend is doing now. I'd call her but I know she has a big algebra test tomorrow."