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Joke of the Day

"What did the owner of a brownie factory say when his factory caught fire? ""I'm getting the fudge outta here!"""

"Purell is 99.8% effective in reminding you about your paper cut."

"When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date."

"Who was the first carpenter? Eve, she made Adam's banana stand."

"Why not just say you're feeling thargic, don't be all French about it"

"My electric toothbrush broke so now I have to use my acoustic one"

"I was having trouble starting my Venn Diagram... But now it's all coming together."

"That whole ""letting go"" of your ex is always more satisfying when they're dangling over an abyss."

"Me: You won't believe the dream I had last night! I slapped you in the face with a hot pizza. Him: M: *looks down* *sees pepperoni all over*"

"If I see under 30s getting married, I want to kiss them for their optimism and punch them for their stupidity."