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Joke of the Day

"By the time a man realises that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he's wrong."

"You're not considered antisocial if no one wants to talk to you."

"I took the shell off of my racing snail.... I thought it would make him go faster, but if anything it made him more sluggish."

"I probably shouldn't have spent $500 on that pair of leather sunglasses... But hidesight is 20/20, I suppose"

"For the longest time I hated tumors.... but they are beginning to grow on me."

"My decision to have kids was based solely on the fact that I was so tired of seeing movies in their entirety & craved constant interruption."

"Til, We are Homo Sapiens at school, And said that my mother. She wished My father was still Homo Erectus."

"I once made a horse laugh and cry. (NSFW) I told the horse I had a bigger cock. He bursted out laughing. I showed him, he cried."

"Mexican Olympics Why can't Mexico field a winning Olympic team? Because everyone that can run, jump or swim is in the US."

"You get home from work early. You walk into the kitchen and your dog is peeling a potato. Startled, she yells ""IT'S JUST A POTATO!"" #ambien"