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Joke of the Day

"French guy (showing me his yachts): This is Un. This is Deux. This is Trois. This is Quatre. This is Six. Me: Where's the 5th? FG: Cinq."

"I am proud to announce that I have developed a foundation to aid abused women It's real thick to hide the bruises"

"KIDNAPPER: Get in the van ME: Oh no thanks I'm vegetarian KIDNAPPER: Oh okay sorry *drives away* {15min later} KIDNAPPER: Wait a minute, wtf"

"This year's Delta inflight buckle your seat belt video isn't as good as the last one. I give two and a half seat belts."

"How can a middle aged unemployed rat with 4 teenage turtles afford so much pizza?"

"who is better boy or girl Girl: ""Girls are better than boys."" Boy: ""Then why did God make boys first?"" Girl: ""Duh, you have to have a rough draft before the final copy."""

"What is green and slimy and smells like bacon? Kermit the frog's finger..."

"They should make realistic pregnancy test commercials. 2 best friends in a bathroom praying for a neg & celebrating w a shot & a happy dance"

"*buys shed at B&Q* B&Q: Are you putting this up yourself? Me: No, it's going in the garden. B&Q: Me: B&Q: I can't help you anymore."

"What do you call an attractive primate corpse in Saudi Arabia? Haram bae"