106681

Joke of the Day

"I got arrested for creating a youtube channel Cat videos and DIY makeup channels are the most popular on YouTube. But apparently you run into all kinds of trouble when you combine the two."

"A white guy, a black guy and a priest walk into a bar.. I immediately shoot the fucking nigger in his head, taking another dark coon out of the gene pool."

"If Natalie Portman dated Jacques Cousteau they would win celebrity couple nicknaming forever with ""Portmanteau."""

"Guy: you've been a bad girl. Girl: yes baby, punish me. Guy: OK. *burns all her shoes*."

"Figured out how to jailbreak my dog and now I'm running all the cool cat apps on him - watching him go nuts on a piece of string right now"

"Went to the doctor today. He wanted to know if the laxatives he prescribed worked. I told him it was close, but no cigar."

"The Hunger Games is like Soccer. Everyone runs around for two hours, nobody scores, and its billion fans insist you just don't understand."

"What's a pirate's favorite letter? (Most people respond, ""Arrr!"") That's what I thought too, but it turns out their hearts belong to the 'C'."

"Why did the woman take her third aborted fetus to see the priest on Sunday? Half Life 3 Confirmed!"

"My husband told me I was beautiful for the first time tonight Sure, he was drunk and using a Scooby Doo voice but I'll take it"