106549

Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between jelly and jam? Well I can't jelly my dick up your ass"

"What did the pirate pirate say on his 80th birthday? ""I can't believe I'm still illegally downloading movies at this age!"""

"Why did the cowboy die with his boots on ? Because he didn't want to stub his toe when he kicked the bucket !"

"How does a chef get to work? He woks."

"I was bitten by a radioactive vegan, and now I have the power to bore people to death."

"What meal was given out to the survivors of the Chernobyl accident? Fission chips."

"Dickens: It was the best of times, it was the worst of times Schrodinger: Nice, nice"

"ME: Who is your favourite philosopher? PROFESSOR: It's Hume. ME: Sorry - whom is your favourite philosopher?"

"*shows up to date with broken nose* ""What happened?"" Hurt myself playing football ""How?"" Threw the controller at a wall and it bounced back"

"BREAKING: Polaroid photo taken. More on this story as it develops."