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Joke of the Day

"Last night I witnessed my dad having a stroke I really wish he would lock the door when he does that."

"How did the scarecrow get a promotion? He was outstanding in his field."

"To all the women who only date assholes, nice guys are better in bed. They always finish last."

"How does a coffee maker know it might be pregnant? It's period is a little LATTE."

"I'm so broke that I posed nude for a magazine last week. That's the last time I go to that newsagents!"

"Pretty sure most of the people in coffee shops on lap tops are just writing letters to their parents asking if they can move back home."

"I always keep a google search for ""how to find anyone, anywhere, and kill them"" open on my phone in case anyone steals it."

"My 16: ""How come when my friends come over you're suddenly the nicest mom in the world?"""

"What's so good about having sex with 28 year olds? You get to do it 20 times because all of the reposts."

"I was going to make a illegal immigrant joke But I wouldn't want to cross that border"