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Joke of the Day

"What would Abraham Lincoln say if he found out there was a movie about him slaying vampires? What's a movie?"

"Dear necessity, happy mothers day! -Invention."

"What's the difference between New Jersey girls and trash? Trash gets picked up."

"ELI5: Why do i suck at posting in the right sub?"

"I bet deaf people get really confused when they talk to someone who is applying hand lotion..."

"What do you call a stallion that's had its balls chopped off? A eunuch-orn"

"Hey guys, I just lost my virginity yesterday! What's the worst thing you've ever done to a dead body?"

"Subway Guy: Enjoy your sandwich Me: You too! Subway Guy: Me: Me: *gives him my sandwich* this is yours now"

"If you say ""guess who died?"" with a big smile on your face some people get kinda angry."

"I'm like a reverse MacGyver. I can take a perfectly working item, step on it drunk, then turn it into dozens of unusable, meaningless parts."