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Joke of the Day

"What if a man existed w/one hand that's a steak and the other is lobster plus unlimited salad bar? This is the plot of ""Edward Sizzlerhands"""

"Why are steak puns so rare? Because they are never well done."

"I think my girlfriend would be a great presidential candidate, Because she's so awesome at bringing up shit from the past."

"Why is it that whenever there is two women in a profile pic the hot one is always someone else..?"

"When people say ""life is short"". What the fuck? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does! What can you do that's longer?"

"Two can dine... if we 69"

"Waiter what's this bug doing waltzing around my table ! It's the band sir they are playing his tune !"

"I burned a kid in a wheelchair today. Hot wheels."

"What performance enhancing drugs do penguins use? Polaroids"

"Do you know what the square root of 69 is? Ate something. (8.xxxxxxx....)"