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Joke of the Day

"I finished sixth form, I finished university, and I've bought a house, and yet the white walkers haven't arrived."

"I might care more about Twilight if Count Chocula was in it."

"What do you with 365 used rubbers? Turn it into a tire and call it a goodyear."

"I've been saying I'll sleep when I'm dead for so long, I'm starting to really look forward to dying."

"The worst thing about rich people is that I'm not one of them."

"What do you call it when a chickpea gets killed? Hummuside"

"If Twitter icons have taught me anything it's that the male eye can spot cleavage at incredibly low resolutions."

"I got a phone call from a girl saying ""Come over! No one's home!"" I went over and no one was home -Rodney Dangerfield"

"Did you hear about the cannibal who had an out of body experience? He starved to death."

"How many of my ex-girlfriends does it take to change a lightbulb? One. Apparently she will screw anything."