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Joke of the Day

"What do you call it when a chickpea gets killed? Hummuside"

"Ugly girls shouldn't be allowed to get pretty girl tattoos. Like instead of butterflies they should have to get pterodactyls."

"Doctor! Doctor! I think I have Barry Manilow's disease! ""What are your symptoms?"" ""I can't laugh and I can't sing. I'm finding it hard to do anything!"""

"Vulnerability is the last thing I want you to see in me, and the first thing I look for in you."

"You can eat a huge bag of cashews right in front of a cop and he can't do shit about it because cashews aren't illegal."

"I used to be terrified of my dentist. He wasn't rough with my teeth or anything, he was just a paedophile."

"Text me once, shame on you. Text me twice, congratulations, we are now trapped in an infinite emotional prison."

"Disneyland fires employee for wearing Muslim hajib. Surely, they could've moved her to the Aladdin ride."

"Whenever I read the phrase ""We've changed our privacy policy,"" I just shrug and assume they already have pictures of me on the toilet."

"So while Lane Kiffin was managing the Alabama offensive... he had Nick Saban's daughter handling the D?"