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Joke of the Day

"Whenever I leave a fancy restaurant I tell the people coming in ""I recommend the squirrel""."

"What did the deaf, blind dumb kid get for Christmas? Cancer."

"What should we name this ancient Japanese throwing knife? A: Let's just name it the first thing that comes to mind, think you can handle that? B: Sure I can."

"I'm always careful with women that do not speak to me even after the 4th date."

"The Untamed Tiger by Claudia Armoff"

"My 5'2"" friend and a person in debt both have something in common. They're both coming up short."

"DATE: I'm leaving ME: Why? D: You keep pretending to be a bat M: I don't D: You're doing it right now [a single tear rolls up my forehead]"

"In Italy, they call me Olive Oil Its because im extra virgin. :("

"Why are asymptomatic cardiology patients so trustworthy? Because they can't tell afib"

"I don't know which child you think I don't treat correctly... Jake, Thomas or the fat ugly one?"