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Joke of the Day

"What does a 9 volt battery, and a pretty girls bumhole have in common? People tell you not to, but you're still going to put your tongue on it."

"My thai-girlfriend told me it's ok to have a small penis I would still prefer that she had a vagina. EDIT: Grammar thx to /u/Jarabar"

"oh so you rich guys throw the water out after you boil hotdogs. too good for hotdog soup. too good to dab the soup on your wrists like colog"

"Me and my girlfriend of 16 years split apart yesterday... It was a bad car accident. I really do miss my right hand."

"How does John Lennon get his kids to eat their vegetables? He tells them to ""Give Peas a Chance"""

"Who was the last person to have sex with Marilyn Monroe? Thomas Noguchi"

"How do you get Americans to care about the Sudanese genocide? Dress them up as dead lions"

"Says I get this funny feeling that people are reading the things I type here but maybe I'm just being paranoid."

"My girlfriend wants to replace the beige outlets in my house with white ones. And then she gets mad when I tell her to stop promoting white power."

"Donald Trump doesn't play in the stock market. He prefers Junk Blondes."