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Joke of the Day
"We named our beautiful daughter after my mother. Passive Aggressive Psycho turns 22 this year!"
Next Joke
"Study finds that a man looks into a woman's eyes for 8.2 seconds if he is attracted to her, 4.5 seconds if he is not, and 0.0 seconds if she's a C-cup or above"
"Just saw a redhead break his arm. #GingerSnap"
"[installing program] Operation Status: 1 min left Me: Yes! Finally! *30 minutes later* Operation Status: 60 mins left Me: Wait. What?"
"If someone tries to shoot the President... The Secret Service will have to yell ""Donald duck!"""
"My 5 year old is stuck inside a duvet cover right now so I think I'm going to go for a walk and just let Darwin solve this one."
"Emperor Augustus throws down his pen in disgust... Emperor Augustus throws down his pen in disgust, exclaiming: ""I can't believe it's February and I'm still writing B.C. on all of my checks!"""
"If fire fighters fight fire and crime fighters fight crime what do freedom fighters fight?"
"I knock some sense into people with a hammer."
"I went to the library today to get a book about conspiracies. There were none there. Coincidence?"