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Joke of the Day

"[Jesus on the cross] *texts with 1 hand* ""um dad y hav u 4saken me wtf"" *5 hrs pass* ""new phone. who dis?"""

"How did Jared lose 40 pounds? He dumped his girlfriend"

"How many people from rio does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A Brazilian. Saw this joke elsewhere and thought i'd share it here."

"What's the difference between a thief and a peeping Tom? Well, a thief snatches watches..."

"If I wear a wizard hat and robe to my cousin's wedding this weekend, I bet no one asks me if I'm next."

"I belched chickpeas in front of the Queen... She gave me a post-houmous pardon."

"Ey gurl, are you a TSA agent? Because I've got an unattended package I think you should investigate."

"I was at a Pakistani owned gas station... There was some sort of problem with my debit card at the pump. I know this because a message popped up that said ""PLEASE SEE KASHIR."""

"If I could make the ultimate scary animal, I'd make it hybrid with the head of a bear, bear claws, and the body of a bear."

"Hey Bradley Cooper's eyes: the most beautiful sky imaginable called - it wants it's color back"