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Joke of the Day

"I got my results from the doctor today. The positive news is I've got HIV."

"From now on when people forcefully show me pictures of their baby, I'm simply going to reply, ""Hmm... I've seen better."""

"Shout out to people that do not know what the opposite of in is!"

"""Why can't anything be easy?!?"" I moaned as my real-time handheld connection to all the world's information briefly ran slower than usual."

"My wife and I welcomed our second child into the world yesterday afternoon! I never knew she African ancestry...but I guess I should have known with the first one."

"Wanna measure the coefficient of static friction between us?"

"My neighbour was about to lose his house. So i decided to organise a neighbourhood wide charity orgy to help him. It was truly awe inspiring to see the whole neighbourhood come together like that."

"I put a downward force on the end of a lever arm in hopes to get a cold-cuts sandwich but ended up with a meatball marinara... TL;DR Weight a moment, wrong sub..."

"How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb? They can't, they're not bright enough."

"[high seas] FIRST MATE: The men be ready to attack PIRATE: Arr! FIRST MATE: Oh sorry...the men ""are"" ready to attack"