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Joke of the Day

"I'll follow my girlfriend into the bathroom watch her close the toilet door, and then ask, ""What are you doing?"""

"Haven't been able to tweet much recently. Need to cut back on real life."

"The primary function of a necktie is to show the direction of a man's brain."

"Just tell me when and where and I'll be there 20 minutes late."

"I am rarely judgmental, but I do scowl, and shake my head slowly in disapproval whenever I see a vegan biting its nails."

"Monster: Doctor doctor I'm a blood-sucking monster and I keep needing to eat doctors. Doctor: Oh what a shame. I'm a dentist."

"one of the last times I got really mad was in a parking lot when a single clown got out of an enormous van"

"Why are there no Jews on Jupiter? Because it's a gas planet"

"How many kids with ADD does it take to change a lightbulb? Lets go ride bikes!"

"John and Nancy sitting in a tree, H-I-D-I-N-G-F-R-O-M-T-H-E-L-O-C-A-L-A-U-T-H-O-R-I-T-I-E-S-B-E-C-A-U-S-E-T-H-E-Y-K-I-L-L-E-D-A-D-O-G"