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Joke of the Day

"Why should you never tell jokes on the ice? The ice might crack up! I use this at the beginning of conversations... it's a reall ice breaker."

Next Joke
 
"Honey, I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that the penguin pooped in the bathtub. Wife: ""But we don't *have* a penguin!"" Me: ""And now for the good news...!"""
"Masturbating while hooked up to a heart monitor can really mess with a hospital staff They never know if you're coming or going"
"Some people say that you should let sleeping dogs lie... But I believe that all animals should tell the truth."
"When I lived on the street, I always wanted to become a plumber, get a home, and run a business... But that was just a pipe dream."
"Sorry kids, Santa isn't real. If he was, he'd be an obese pedophile, felon, and elf slave owner. Seriously though, Merry Christmas."
"""Pass the joint."" -Cannibals at dinner"
"What's the best part about sleeping with a Cubs fan? They're used to disappointment."
"I got 99 karma but link ain't one."
"Why wouldn't the frog lend his hammer to the mushroom? Because it's a toad's tool."