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Joke of the Day

"What muscle do Egyptian soldiers generally lose control of, shortly before major battles? The sphinxster ...."

"Apparently when I'm at Olive Garden I'm family. So why did they call the cops when I left without paying? My family never makes me pay."

"What animal lives on the farm and says ""moo""? A bilingual chicken"

"While I'm shopping at Costco my kids wait by the exit and try to get adopted by a wealthy family."

"My wife just told me she's pregnant. God, I hope it's not mine."

"I see you've chosen to express your midlife crisis with cologne."

"Its funny how guys always say they would give their left nut to do something awesome. Why is the right nut so much cooler than the left nut?"

"Things have changed so much like 4000 years ago if you killed a lion and could fix people's teeth you would have been the king of everything"

"I do have a life outside of Facebook, but I don't remember the password for it."

"Sit down and let me tell you a story. Once Upon A Time......last night......I had a few drinks and......borrowed your credit card."