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Joke of the Day

"You're so fat, when you sat on an iPod . . . It turned into an ipad. If you don't like my joke, you should really lighten up."

"What does a red neck divorce and a burning meth lab have in common? Someone's losing a trailer. Edit: Because I fucked up."

"I'm sorry you lost the weightlifting competition. Would you like a pick me up?"

"FITNESS TIP: Stretching is important. Stretch out flat on your back. Stretch your eyelids over your eyes. Stretch a blanket over your body."

"What do you call a smart guy in US? A tourist."

"hey look! *picks up a tiny ghost costume off pavement* how cool is thi ew why is it wet? ""dude, that's a condom"""

"You're saying that the two people I don't want for president, one is in poor health? I'm voting for the dying one."

"What caveman say when he get hurt? meow."

"""The captain of the Titanic just checked into an iceberg on Foursquare with 2,224 other people."" - Twitter, 1912"

"At my funeral, I want a homie to adjust my junk one last time. I'm not gonna rest peacefully if my balls are pinched between my legs."