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Joke of the Day

"Spez tells us that we should take our time to vote today, because it ""matters""... That's the fucking joke."

"My neighbour told me I'd left my lights on. I told her she'd left her big nose on."

"When chemists die, ...do they barium?"

"I was in the park wondering why a frisby looks bigger the closer it gets And then it hit me."

"A fava bean was playing near a meat grinder Then his mother came and said, ""Stop that! You're making a foule out of yourself!"""

"I hate when I'm getting a back rub & he stops 3 mins in & says ""my thumbs hurt."" It's not like I ever say ""My jaw hurts."" I finish the job."

"How much do used batteries cost? Nothing, they are free of charge."

"What do you call someone who can masturbate with either hand? Ambidickstrous"

"How do make a Kia twice as valuable? Fill up the tank"

"What do you get when you drop an egg off the Empire State Building? New Yolk"