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Joke of the Day
"A pinata at my funeral so people will be happy.. but filled with bees so they're not too happy."
Next Joke
"A dragonfly just landed on my face an I reacted the same way I'd react if an actual dragon had landed on my face."
"Why are black people so tall? Cuz their knee grows."
"Patient goes to the doctor about his obesity... He says ""It's not my fault doctor, obesity runs in my family."" Doctor replies, ""No the problem is no one runs in your family."""
"Everybody has been telling me to stop singing wonderwall... I said maybe"
"*Wakes up in Superman's body* Me: Holy crap! I'm finally a hero! *Uses heat vision to re-heat last night's pizza & puts on Netflix*"
"Why did Princess Diana cross the road? No seatbelt."
"My wife and I have been happily married for two years. 1997 & 2004"
"LPT: If you want to pick up wet girls go around driving while its raining and offer if they need a ride"
"If I had a nickel for every time Robert Duvall squinted while wearing a cowboy hat... ...I'd have the same career as Robert Duvall."