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Joke of the Day

"One time I accidentally gave my cat acid. Thought he would really freak out but he just looked at me calmly and said meow for 10 hours."

"Ellen Page has recently revealed that she is gay. I guess they don't call her Kitty Pryde for nothing,"

"What type of Bee gives Milk? A BooBee!"

"The hardest part about eating vegetables. What's the hardest part of eating vegetables? The wheelchair. Badum-tss!"

"[1st date] *recalls buddy said women like a manly man* *but also, be sensitive* I like to work with my hands, But splinters make me cry."

"My stepson and his friend are driving around in my car. If he wrecks it, I have insurance. If he plays Nickelback in it, I'll murder him."

"What's an ephebophile? A pedophile with a thesaurus."

"Knock-knock... ""Knock-knock"" ""Who's there?"" ""Control Freak - now you say 'Control Freak who?'"" :)"

"I see your Full House and I raise you 3 episodes of Home Improvement. -Me, not knowing how to play poker, but loving 90's TV"

"Do you know the biggest difference between Mexico and China? China paid for it's wall."