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Joke of the Day

"I bought some pot from a T-Rex ... ... he was a small arms dealer."

"What does walking a tightrope and having period sex have in common? You don't want to look down, in either case."

"i NEVER VOTED FOR A PRESiDENT BECUZ iF iM GUNNA WASTE MY GAS THEN iT BETTER BE ON SOMETHiNG iMPORTANT LiKE DRiViNG TO CHiCK-FiL-A"

"I'm not saying she's a whore... But if you threw her out a window she'd be deep penetrated[.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Defenestration)"

"Why do feminists make bad mass shooters? Because they always give a trigger warning."

"In retrospect, replying ""Happy as a serial killer in a skin suit factory"", probably wasn't the best way to respond to my therapist."

"What side of a cake is the right side? The side that gets eaten because the other side is left."

"Just buckled a bottle of Tito's Vodka into the backseat of my car, so I obviously know what it's like to be a mom."

"A woman recently tried to flirt with me using a electric mixer. She said she was going to whisk me away."

"Why does the bad guy always have to know some form of martial art? Why cant they just throw stuff while screaming ""stay away from me!"""