104361

Joke of the Day

"My dentist told me to relax, then got all judgey about me uncorking my wine in his office. He needs to make up his mind."

"aesop: man what you did was not cool. like imagine if a fox did what you did to me, and i was a goose. that makes it much clearer right?"

"Q. How does a man show he's planning for the future? A. He buys two cases of beer instead of one."

"""So you know how girls have XX chromosomes and guys have XY chromosomes?"" ...Asked the biologist. ""Well I want you to be my Y, cause I'd hate to ask you to be my X."""

"I keep getting scolded for things I didn't do! ""What didn't you do?"" ""My homework"""

"So all the primates got together for a male-only gathering, but they put up a sign banning humans. No homo."

"forrest gump (1994): this film gave me very unrealistic expectations of what my life would be like as a huge idiot. 2/10"

"Did you hear about the Bausch & Lomb tech who fell into a giant lens grinder? He really made a spectacle of himself"

"I used to go fishing with Skrillex... but he kept dropping the bass :("

"What do you call someone who sews extremely fast? Taylor Swift..."