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Joke of the Day
"Can't believe I was once a child who fought taking naps."
Next Joke
"It starts with.... Her sinking into your arms And it ends with her arms into your sink"
"It just seems crazy that the final apocalypse could be started by a guy who says ""You're fired"" every time he launches a nuke."
"Her:""What do you do?"" Me:""I teach astronomy."" Her:""OMG!! I'm a Sagitarius! Can you see my future?"" Me:""Yes, you'll go home alone tonight."""
"It's not that I'm a bad boyfriend. I'm just a horrible person."
"/r/jokes in a nutshell... Why did the police officer arrest the pop machine? It was selling coke."
"My wife hasn't spoken to me since I fingered her twin by mistake during a drunken dance at a wedding... He's not happy about it either..."
"Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but my boss just gets mad when I don't come to work :("
"Interviewer: ""What's your greatest accomplishment?"" Me: ""I was in a lot of people's MySpace Top 8s back in 2004."""
"What do 1% of racist people do? They are making clubs like the KKK The other 99% are hidden here making bad jokes"