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Joke of the Day

"As I looked at myself naked in the mirror I thought to myself... I'm going to get kicked out of Ikea in a minute."

"I'm giving up my new year's resolution for lent"

"Today I met a woman with twelve breasts, sounds strange, dozen tit?"

"LPT: If you're in public and you need to fart Don't hold it in, because it'll go to your brain and that's where shitty ideas come from."

"I was in a masturbating competition... I came 1st twice!"

"Who can shave 30 times a day and still have a beard? A barber."

"What did the egg say to the boiling water? It might take me a while to get hard, I just got laid this morning."

"What is a Jedi's Favorite Italian Dessert? Obi-Wan....Cannoli!"

"Today is National Girlfriend's Day. But it will never be National Marriage Day. The calendar's just not ready for that kind of commitment."

"How many evolutionists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one but it takes eight million years."