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Joke of the Day
"Why are gay guys so good at moving? They are used to getting their shit packed"
Next Joke
"Me: That tree is impeckable ""Don't you mean impeccable?"" *cut to woodpecker with a broken beak* Me: No. Also how did you pick up on that?"
"The worst kind of insomnia is snoring induced insomnia. That's when every time you start snoring your wife shoves you awake..."
"Got a long rambling phone call in spanish.. I don't know who they were, or what they were saying, but im pretty sure they're bringing me tostadas in one hour."
"Wow my pants are really loose today *skips to the nearest vending machine*"
"Hear me out: Google Naps"
"""You should go with the black one"" I whispered from inside the clothes rack as she dropped both shirts and ran. FINE, GO WITH THE WHITE ONE"
"Did you guys hear the one about the circus fire? It was intense."
"Wanna know how I tell my sister is on her period? My Dad's dick tastes like blood."
"What is Arnold Schwarzenegger's sexual orientation? Bicepsual."