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Joke of the Day

"I would bring my dog a nice jerky treat from Colorado, but he only eats local, sustainable cat turds."

"Q: What time would it be if five elephants were chasing you? A: Five after one."

"My grandfather once told me 'When i was your age, I thought I was going to be 10 all my life too. So I said 'And when I was your age, I didn't believe in reincarnation either'."

"Guess What My Friend Said Once They Discovered The Existence of Gravitational Waves? Friend: Good, now they will make microwaves that cook my chicken fingers faster. Say what now?"

"[Cringe Alert] Why are Trees never invited to a formal dinner ? They only wear Trunks."

"What's pink with seven dents? Snow white's hymen"

"The best late artist of the late 20th century yelvis. I AINT NOTHING BUT A HOUND DOG. CRYING ALL THE TIME."

"Lesson learned: toddlers don't understand sarcasm. As a side note, don't say 'bite me' around toddlers that don't understand sarcasm"

"My girlfriend thought the fossball table in our living room was too fratty. So I filled it up with water and turned it into a synchronized swimming simulator."

"How do zombies celebrate Halloween? They paint the town dead!"