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Joke of the Day

"What do blind trains read? Raile!"

"Got all the way to the car and realized I left my keys back at the office The two things I hate most in life: 1. ISIS and 2. Accidental exercise"

"Just trimming my nose hair and drinking a soy latte. Damn it feels good to be a gangsta."

"Dear Abby, I saw a questionable mole on this girl I like. How do I tell her without letting her know I hid a camera in her shower?"

"It's an unwritten rule in girls' soccer that each team must have at least one Katie on the field at all times."

"Whats the difference between jam and jelly? I can't jelly my dick up your ass"

"Calculators are useless What I need is a calcunow"

"Rest in peace, boiling water. You shall be mist."

"Peeing with a boner... It's hard."

"You can tell a lot about a woman by how she slices brownies. For example: if she throws the knife at you, you should pick up some midol."