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Joke of the Day

"If someone asks what you're doing today, grab a knife & yell ""SOMETHING I SHOULD'VE DONE A LONG TIME AGO!"" Sounds way cooler than ""Napping!"""

"I heard that comedians never tell jokes about the Jonestown massacre. The punchline is too long."

"Why do Chicken Coops have two doors? Because if they had four doors, they would be a chicken sedan. *slaps knee*"

"If I was a ghost, I'd write ""Happy Birthday"" in blood on your wall for your birthday, cuz you may be cursed, but it's still your birthday."

"What is smaller than a teeny weenie fly? A fly's teeny weenie."

"I had sex with a chipotle manager When I was about to lick some guac off her tits she stopped me and says ""You know that's extra, right?"""

"Beer = Mama If you would change 4 letters in the word ""beer"" you would get the word ""mama"" :)"

"Which actor is best suited for a programmer role? Dev Patel."

"It's quite appropriate that fast food cashiers... often open with ""sorry for the weight""."

"If I have trouble finding an arm hole while putting on a dress shirt, I imagine I'm rehearsing for my show ""Damien Fahey: Shitty Magician""."