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Joke of the Day

"My legs are so white that they stopped listening to their Bon Iver LP to correct my pronunciation of 'quinoa'"

"How do you make a hormone? Or, as this joke was retold to me by my idiotic friend : ""How do you make a prostitute upset?"""

"10:00 am: sitting alone at work 10:05 am: my pudding cup is my new best friend 10:06 am: ate my best friend 10:07 am: sitting at work alone"

"Jared from Subway should be happy... ... He will have a life time supply of foot-longs where he's going."

"They cloned a man without his permission. Was he angry? He was just beside himself."

"your grandma has a pic of you in her house when you were in junior high and not at any other age"

"How many Hillary Clinton supporters does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They prefer to be left in the dark."

"I used to sanitize my son's bottles and Lysol his toys. Then I caught him chewing on the dog's tail."

"Why don't old people have sex? Have you ever tried to open a grilled cheese sandwich?"

"Why did the chicken cross the road? To say hello from the other side"