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Joke of the Day

"""Its odd how the Church just lets pedophile's grant forgiveness"" Anyway...thats why I'm not allowed in Confession anymore."

"Best thing about being a professional bagpiper is.. We get the best blow jobs."

"Falling vending machines kill more people per year than sharks. I've never even seen a shark near a vending machine."

"If I haunt your house after I die and you hear strange noises, I probably just want you to change the TV channel. Please don't ghostbust me."

"I pointed to two hags sitting across the bar from us and told my friend ""That's us in 10 years"". She said ""That's a mirror""."

"I was getting a handjob from this blind hooker... She told me: WOW! This is the biggest dick I have ever felt! I said ""No way! You're pulling my leg!"""

"hello, this is the co-pilot speaking. the captain can't talk cause we both said ""hope we don't die haha"" at the same time and i jinxed him"

"WHAT DO WE WANT? A NAP!! THEN WHY ARE WE YELLING?"

"""Cash or Debit?"" ""Did you just assume my tender?!"""

"The best part of finishing a long piece of writing is when the laptop hits your talentless loser foot as you boot it off a roof."