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Joke of the Day

"If I played video games for 8 hours, I'd be called a loser bum But if I watched TV for 8 hours straight, people would just think I didn't have anything to do that day"

"I had a rib removed so I could cry further into my lap"

"""Yep, I'm going to jail."" When a State Trooper takes the same exit off the highway*"

"I hope no one I know ever has an emergency that they can't text me about. Because, answering my phone? No thanks."

"What do you call a person who worships Doritos? A Chipmonk."

"You're good, Adobe Acrobat. You're fine just the way you are. No need to continue updating every three days."

"When two Lesbians get married. Who pays the shopping bill ?"

"""Let's call it a day."" I don't know what else you'd call it. Calling it a turtle would just sound stupid. ""Lets call it a turtle."" See?"

"I remember when I was gay It was a real pain in the ass."

"Did you know they're killing off a main character in my little pony? There's no more apple jack."