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Joke of the Day

"Jeb! Jeb Bush: I hereby suspend my presidential campaign with immediate effect. Audience claps Jeb: You guys are assholes!"

"Yo mama is so fat that when she walked in front of the TV, I missed 3 seasons of Breaking Bad"

"I definitely learned my lesson about speeding today and it will never happen again. I didn't get pulled over or anything, I just showed up to work 20 minutes early."

"Why do they keep records of people who died due to alcohol, but not the records of people who were born thanks to it?"

"What's grey beautiful and wears glass slippers ? Cinderelephant !"

"There's no such thing as an automatic door. Just gentlemen ninjas."

"Did you hear about the Blonde who bought a brand new pair of panty hose, she put em on then shaved her legs and recked 'em"

"How can you lift an elephant with one hand? A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with one hand."

"Since it started raining, all my wife has done is look sadly through the stupid window... If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in..."

"If you crossed King Kong and a bell what would you have? A ding-dong King Kong."