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Joke of the Day

"Actual Mechanical Advantage(AMA)"

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"Since getting the new iPhone with fingerprint unlock technology I've never worried so much about losing my thumb."
"I've just opened a casino for dogs where they can play roulette, poker blackjack etc... They'll have to go outside for craps though."
"NOTHING says ""I am batshit, incapable of relationships, bad with money & cannot be trusted"" like colored contact lenses."
"I'm a social person. I'm friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know why."
"What's a ego maniac's favorite candy? Air heads"
"What do you call a mentally retarded chef? A slow cooker"
"Wanna know my New Year's Resolution? 4K, baby."
"I wish I could erase my memory of certain movies so I could watch them again for the first time."
"What does an Alabama prostitute give her family? A discount!"